Expat Angst--Evil Appliances

I am a wimp. America and all of the regulations that govern what products can and can not do has made me weak. I am simply not used to evil appliances working to do me harm.

The evil trio of which I speak includes our toaster, coffee pot, and boiler. The toaster has no special "cool touch" sides or extra settings for different types of bread I might want to toast. It has a series of settings that at best are random in their toastiness. The heating element burns with the fires of Hades. There is no namby-pamby special toast release mechanism. The element waits as I decide whether to get the toast out with my fingers. I have learned to thwart its burning intentions and simply tip it over allowing gravity to free my toast from its evil clutches. I have outsmarted it this time, but it lurks in the kitchen preparing for the next battle.

Our house has not yet burned down, but our coffee pot is plotting as we speak. There is not a special "don't burn down the house" setting. No automatic shut off or special timer. It is on or it is not. And if we should turn our attention away from it and forget for a moment that it waits to wreak havoc on our lives, it will triumph.

Finally, our little evil empire is lead by the boiler. Our skin has paid the price of our ignorance of this danger. No special valves keeps the searing hot pain from our flesh. If it wishes, it can send near boiling water out of the taps. While it can sear tomato sauce neatly from our pans, it wants to sear the flesh from our bones. We must beware, ever vigilant as we go forth!